K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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