elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
