is your mom at the bar?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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