You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
