This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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