Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
