I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
