A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
