TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
