My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
