I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
