It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
