I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
