That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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