i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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