never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
