we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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