You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
