rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize