Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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