And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
