next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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