so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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