How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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