please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
