he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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