3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
