I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
