Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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