the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
