im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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