Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
