still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize