Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
