Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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