she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
