yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
