that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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