I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
