new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize