Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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