My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
