i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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