dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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