i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
