Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
