I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
