ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
