Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
