she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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