Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Someone signed my nipple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
