I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
