Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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