Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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