i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
