I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize