Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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