can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
