You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
