Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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