Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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