i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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