I puked a lego.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
