Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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