Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
