Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
